I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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