so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
