Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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