walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
