i barfeds in our rink
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
