Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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