So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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