the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
