People with herpes should wear stickers.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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