Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
