I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
