Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
