i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
