I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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