White coat. Heels.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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