You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
