maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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