what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
