I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
