if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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