you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
