I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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