dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
