His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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