I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
