farters have to be the big spoon...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
