i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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