At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
