I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
