Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
