I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
