Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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