I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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