i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
