Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
