I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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