oh god the rape fog is back!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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