Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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