ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Randomize
