Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It was confusing and full of hummus
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
