All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
