I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
