I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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