I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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