Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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