I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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