well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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