I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is Oprah even human
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
