i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
