Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
