South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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