DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
