Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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