Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
