i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
